she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize