Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
