Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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