I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
