So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
