shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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