but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
