I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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