just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im holly from the hills drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
