she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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