Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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