well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
