I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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