I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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