I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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