i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
