I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
