Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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