How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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