Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
