You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I could fuck to npr.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
