Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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