I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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