yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
