He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
