he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
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3 2 1 whiskey
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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