Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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