she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
