the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This is the high leading the old right now
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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