If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
