Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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