I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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