laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
