mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
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