Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
