it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
