I saw his package. It spoke to me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
