How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
