We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
True strength comes from lack of pants
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
