so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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