Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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