worst night to have a conscience
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
