I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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