the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
