oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
