She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
