i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.