You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?