I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have