Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
