I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
