it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
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I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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