Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
