Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
