what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
