one two three fourrrrnication!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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