i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
