This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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