In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
