how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
