He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she told me i tasted like america
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
