I could have mohawked her pubes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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