guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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