i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
