Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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