Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
