Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
