In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
