My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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