If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
