i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
