I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
