why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
