i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
