You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
