If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Mom said you looked used
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
