I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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