he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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