So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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