I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
