pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
